Backseat Decisions

I would like to talking about a song titled "Shadowfeet" by Brooke Fraser. It is not a new song, yet the truth in it's message never grows old.

The lyrics start out saying "walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet toward home, a land that I've never seen." ...When we are in the midst of a trial, the goal is not perfection it is obedience. I am learning this the hard way. God's Word promises that in I Corinthians 10:13 NIV that ...when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Here's the catch...it's HIS way. I don't know about you, but my ways are not His ways, especially when it may involve pain or suffering. Imagine a war where the rank and file decide not to listen or even seek the commands and leadership of their superior officers. Do you see the chaos and defeat that would take place if that happened? It sounds ridiculous to even consider, especially since a soldier in that position would be fully aware that their life and very likely the lives of their comrades would be in jeopardy.


That same chaos can happen in our own lives if we do not consult our Chief Shepherd as described in I Peter 5:4 NIV when facing battles of our own.  Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105 NIV  On our "shadowfeet"  He will help us navigate through the minefield we may find ourselves in.

My husband and I used to work with the youth and I remember us telling them not to wait until they were in the backseat of a car to decide whether or not they would stay pure until marriage. Emotions (and hormones) run high when in the backseat and that is not the time to be making life altering decisions. Hopefully, if they made the decision for purity beforehand they would not even place themselves in that position, thus avoiding the temptation altogether.

Our advice to the youth were words from personal experience. I met my husband when I was 14 years old and he was 15. We ended up getting married when I was 16 and he was 17 and we were expecting our first daughter. We've not for one minute regretted the birth of all three of our beautiful daughters. We do, however regret the way in which we brought about our first pregnancy. We know firsthand what "backseat" decisions lead to.

I Peter 5:8 NIV says this:  Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  It goes on to say in verse 9:  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.


Problem is, in reality we all find ourselves in the "backseat" at times. How does that happen? Remember our "Peter" moments? When we take our focus off of Christ and onto our circumstance, we end up in the "backseat."  When that happens, it's not too late. We still have a choice we can make. The decisions are much harder to make from the "backseat" but it is possible nonetheless. Backseat decisions are not won and lost by emotions or circumstance. They are won or lost based on what we believe and more importantly on Whom we believe. Therein lies the difficulty, if we have been in the "backseat" chances are we have not focused on God and His Word.

The lyrics in the song also stated that "When the world is falling out from under me, I'll be found in You, still standing." I've got a feeling this girl knows what it's like to have her "world fall out from under her." Yet, she has made the decision to resist the temptation to give up until she discovers His way out  and stand firm in the faith despite her circumstance.



How do we accomplish this? Ideally, it starts with a decision before you even face a trial. An example in my own life was when my marriage was in jeopardy in 1992. In January of that year I attended a Kay Arthur study on Covenant, quite frankly I wasn't sure how all that Old Testament stuff was going to relate to my life in present day, but I attended nonetheless. Immediately following that study I went through  the study "Marriage Without Regrets" by Kay Arthur. Of course my thinking at the time was that my marriage was fine. That study ended in May of 1992. My husband approached me on the first weekend of September (Labor Day weekend) that he wanted out of our marriage.

The bible studies I had just gone through played a vital role in the restoration of our marriage. My husband and I both come from broken homes. His dad has been married three times and his mother twice. My mother was married three times and my father twice.We had been handed a legacy of divorce and the enemy was intent on keeping it that way.

But God, had other plans. It is my belief that starting in January of 1992 God was preparing me for the attack that would soon take place on our family. Those two studies allowed me to figure out ahead of time what I truly believed about marriage, or better stated what God believed about marriage, regardless of what I witnessed growing up and absent of all the emotion and chaos that would follow.  His Word that was planted in my heart during those months of preparation flooded into my memory during that time, which was vital in my decision making process.

Toward the end of the song "Shadowfeet" the lyrics say "He makes all things new." I am here to testify that this is truth. In I Corinthians 5:11-21 NIV God's Word speaks to the fact that if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! Through God's reconciling Himself to us, He has given all believers the ministry of reconciliation. What these verses meant to me was that my past, my childhood was no excuse for behavior that did not line up with the Word of God. I learned that I have no control over anyone else's behavior including my husband. I did not know if my marriage would be reconciled or not, but that did not relieve me from being obedient to what I believed God's Word was telling me.

I also learned that obedience to our God has it's own reward. In the beginning of my marriage crisis, all I wanted was my marriage to be restored. In the end, all I wanted was a more intimate relationship with God. If that meant my marriage would be reconciled great, if not I was fine with that too. Relinquishing my husband over to God was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was made harder because he had become an idol in my life.  It's funny how we think we own anything, even people we love...when all along it's His to begin with. God was gracious in returning my husband to me, but only after I placed the Lord on the throne where He belonged. God is good all the time and even if we have been in the "backseat" for a time, He can make all things new and we can stand firm in Him.

I'll conclude with this "song" written by Paul to the Ephesians as a prayer of gratitude for us all:  For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.  Ephesians 3:14-21  NKJ   When time and space are through, we'll be found in You. Amen.


Songbird

Reasons for Joy

Yea! It's official! It's the first day of summer! Like I need an "official" day to start the summer season. As soon as the temp goes above 60 degrees (oh, to be warm again)!, I am on fast forward to all things summer. Ahhh, the memories...spending Fourth of July at the "Seaside Inn" in Rockport, TX is one of my happiest from childhood, and Sprite floats filled to the rim with rainbow sherbet (food always sneaks in there somewhere), the beach has got to be a piece of heaven on earth, and as a child NO SCHOOL was synonymous with FREEDOM! Flip flops, sundresses, the smell of coconut sunscreen and fun in the sun...oh, yeah!

As wonderful as summer is though, it seems that God chose each season for just the right length of time here in Texas. To me, there is so much to look forward to for each one, but close to the end of it, I'm ready for the next! In Fall, one of the best things about it is the weather turning cooler. Huh? Didn't I just rave about summer and how nice it is to feel WARM again? I start out that way, but by the end of August, all I can think about is if I have enough socks (my feet don't see the light of day for months come fall), or which 'lil jacket I might wear with what when it finally gets cooler! Not to mention the shoes...oh, my do you really want me to go there?! BOOTS...that's all I'll say about that!

Next comes the Thanksgiving holiday! Giving thanks to God for all that He has given us and feasting with family and friends (food again)! Then, as soon as Thanksgiving is over, everything becomes a blur because the end of fall and the beginning of winter means Christmas is on the way, and we get to celebrate the birth of our Savior...plus feast with family and friends, AGAIN! Then comes the colder weather and the longing for our "normal" schedule that went out the window during the holidays (and maybe focus on losing a few of the pounds we may have acquired while feasting). That's when the fall and winter seasons seem to wane for me.

The end of winter in Texas is when we get our coldest weather...usually. Our weather here can be unpredictable at times, and no one weather pattern seems to stay put for very long (except maybe HOT in the Summertime). That used to bother me more...until we visited Poland in December of 2008. Their cold stays cold for days on end, without much variation in temperature until spring...which comes later than our spring. Since we returned home in January of 2008 I have not complained as much about our cold weather, all I have to do is think of Krakow in winter and in comparison it doesn't seem so bad. Like they say, "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes (and it will change)."  True dat, here in Texas!

Then comes spring as a metaphor for the resurrection of our Lord as we witness all of creation coming back to life. "Spring showers bring May flowers" as they say, because water brings forth life. John 4:1-42  is the story of the Samaritan woman's encounter with Jesus at Jacob's well. In verses 7-10, God's Word says this;  A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, Give Me a drink." For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food. Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, "How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans. Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift from God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."  John 4:7-10 NKJ 

Jesus goes on to describe Himself in this way to her;  Jesus answered and said to her, "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life."  John 4:13 NKJ  He still offers living water and everlasting life to those who are willing to accept that gift. It's not too late.

If you read the whole encounter of Jesus and the Samaritan woman in John 4:1-42, you will find that she might seem an unlikely prospect for a holy God. Gives me hope! Maybe I'm not so bad after all. Maybe He can take somebody who has turned their back on Him time and time again and gone their own way and actually make them whole in Him. We are all just one choice away from never thirsting again and spending eternity with the One who made it possible. He makes it possible for all of us through His living water to become in Him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life. Now that is something to "sing" about!


Summer warmth, fall festivities, winter celebrations and new life in springtime brought forth by a living, loving God. Each season gives us reasons to rejoice. No matter our circumstance, if we look to creation and more importantly to our Creator, we will be able to glorify Him through it all. We can choose to return to the source of our joy and that is my prayer and my "song" for us all!

Songbird

"Seeking Normal"

I've been pondering the meaning of "normal" the past couple of days. My interest was peaked while watching Good Morning America on Monday morning. Robin Roberts made the announcement that she is battling a rare blood disease caused by the cancer treatment she received five years ago.

During Robin's conversation with her co-anchors, Lara Spencer asked what could they do for her, what did she need? Robin started by saying the reason she hesitated telling everyone about her illness was that you crave normalcy, so much in your life is not normal anymore so you don't want to tell anybody because you don't want to be treated any differently. She said, "...I need you to be who you are and what you are."

Her answer sank into my soul. I think it hit home for me so much because I have been asked that same question by some very caring and loving people regarding my health. Truth is, I crave "normalcy".


Once I realized that, I immediately started feeling guilty and even questioned if striving to feel "normal" is a good thing or a bad thing. Thus, my pondering. Normal seems to be so subjective. What is normal for one person, or even one culture may seem totally "abnormal" to someone else. Why do we seem to seek it so fervently then?


Normalcy by definition means:  conforming with or constituting an accepted standard, model, or pattern;  esp., corresponding to the median or average of a large group in type, appearance, achievement, function, development, etc.; natural; usual; standard; regular.

After reading the definition of normal, I'm not sure why I crave it! It sounds compromising, dull, boring, unoriginal, common, predictable, average etc., etc.. Who wants that?!? Average? Boo!... I do! Thing is, I've always seen myself as striving for something beyond that though. Normal just always seemed in my mind to be "settling" for less.Yet deep down inside, I apparently crave it nonetheless. WHY?


Maybe God placed that need inside of each of us. If He did, why did He? Maybe it has to do with acceptance. Maybe it has to do with the feeling of belonging. Maybe it has to do with recognizing that we really do need Him and each other. And maybe we are "settling" for less if we don't explore the possibility that God is speaking to us through our need to feel this way. Maybe it is so that we learn to seek fervently after Him and His normal because He knows better than we do what we truly need.

As a child of God, He may well ask us to do something that seems abnormal even to us, let alone those around us. I don't think God's normal is my normal and it may never be. It's not necessarily normal to quit working when it cuts your income almost in half so that you can be a stay at home mom, or to love a spouse through an adulterous relationship or to feel honored and humbled to be allowed to be living with chronic health issues and all that that entails (btw all of the above seem almost too trivial to mention in comparison to Christ and His example)...yet they are my experiences and for His glory I feel compelled to share them. They have become "my" normal. Regrets? Not one, only "songs" of praise!


We can spend a lifetime trying to fit in and be normal as defined by those around us or we can choose to spend our lives seeking God and His normal instead. God's normal has given me quite an adventurous life. The only times I have"settled" is when I have chosen "my" normal over His. My prayer for you and for me is that we seek fervently God's normal and then hold on tight to Him when He answers us, "singing" His praises all the while!


Songbird

The "S" Word

Ever been afraid? Me too! In fact, fear used to consume my life. But God (I gotta say it)!...Love that phrase! But God, in His infinite wisdom sometimes allows us to be put in positions of having to face our biggest fears. Why would He do that? I'm glad you asked!

One of the truths revealed to me during the time of my marriage crisis was that I had a deep fear of abandonment. This fear was deeply rooted from childhood. Experts can say what they want about what the greatest need is for men and women in a marriage. I personally believe what God says as he addresses this subject in Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. NIV 

It's a funny thing though, our husbands can't and sometimes even won't attempt to love us wives in this manner. What then? Not only that, but as wives, do we really respect our husbands? If our husbands are not loving us the way we think he should, are we still to respect him? I'm glad you asked! 

It was not until God placed me in a situation where I had to choose what I believed over what my circumstances were that He revealed to me that it was possible to respect a husband that was not displaying his love for me. God is so wise, and I am so "not"!

God reminded me during those days (and still does at times) of David in regard to respect for my husband. David was anointed by God to become the King of Israel. In the years leading up to David becoming king, the current king was becoming more and more jealous of him. King Saul's jealousy grew toward David as time went on to the extent that King Saul set out to have David killed.

During those days, David had opportunity to kill King Saul, not once, but twice and he refrained from doing so. These accounts are found in I Samuel 24 & 26. I Samuel 24:6 NIV says..."He said to his men, "The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD'S anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD." NIV  A similar account can be found in I Samuel 26:9-11.

It was the position in which God placed King Saul in David's life that required respect. It is the position in which God places our husbands that requires us to respect them. Ouch! God's truth can indeed be sharper than a "two-edged sword" (Hebrews 4:12). It is not always a pain free path we lead when choosing to obey God.

When my marriage was in crisis it was painful. Any choice I seemed to have available would be painful. As I searched God's word during those first dark days, I came across I Peter 4:15-19 NIV "If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us; what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."

God was in the process of cleaning house, our house. I could either join Him or hinder Him. I had that choice. I chose to join Him, even though I hindered Him many times in the process! To say it was easy would be a lie. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever made. I set out to seek His way of escape as He has promised us (I Corinthians 10:13). I loved my husband and my girls very deeply, lack of love was not the issue. In fact, my love for my family is what kept me going many times. But, that love was flawed.

It was me dying to self, that made it so difficult.We think we don't place much value on ourselves until we are put into a position of placing another person's interests ahead of our own. God has commanded us to do so nonetheless (Philippians 2:3 &4). BTW, that is pretty much the definition of submission.

In order for God to clean our house, He needed me to get off His throne and He also needed me to take my husband off His throne. Idol worship plain and simple.When I submitted to God's will and stopped trying to control my situation is when the miracles started to take place. I released my husband into God's hands and fell into them myself.

During one of my darkest hours I was just about ready to give up, but God (gotta' love it)! Sorry, I'll continue...He led me to Isaiah 54. He got my attention starting in verse 5 -7 "For your Maker is your husband-the LORD Almighty is his name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife who married young, only to be rejected." says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. NIV The rest of the chapter leads to promise after promise and it was based on God's promises that enabled me to continue on.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows me better than I know myself. He had just described me in His Word written thousands of years ago. He knew that from the time I had memory that I had a deep fear inside of me. He loved me too much to leave me in that condition. He used my love for my husband and for my girls to coax me out of that bondage and release it to Him.Wow. I did not ever have to be afraid of being abandoned again. God is my husband. He will never leave me, nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).

God kept reminding me of 1 John 4:18 when my marriage crisis initially started, which says: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." NIV  I believe He was not only telling me what He was doing, but encouraging me to carry through with what He was wanting to do in my life during that time.

There is freedom in God's truth. Like they say though, freedom is not free. Sometimes, we have to fight for it. We have to be willing to sacrifice and submit to God's will in order for that freedom to come to fruition. When it does we realize it was worth it. Worth it all because it comes from a loving God who "...has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 1 Timothy 1:7  NKJV 

The power that fear held in my life ironically was broken when I myself became broken and submitted to God and His will over mine. I stand in awe of how our God operates. We tend to look at submission as a dirty word ( the "s" word), why is that?  My family was being torn apart, the stakes were made pretty high. They evidently had to be in order for God to get my attention. I had to face the fear I dreaded most as a possible reality. I have since come to realize that having my way just doesn't seem as important as it used to, not when I have seen firsthand the repercussions it would have left in it's wake.

But, God (yeah God)! But, God had other plans. I have learned that submission is not necessarily giving up that thing, or person, etc. that you want to hold on to. It is sometimes just the act of  being willing to release it to Him if He requires it of you. This is my prayer for us and this is my "song":  “Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” ― Corrie Ten Boom

Songbird

To Live Is Christ

     This post is the most difficult one to compose thus far.. I am not even sure what direction it may lead. I have a desire to "sing" God's praises for what I termed a "mysterious illness" that began in 2001 in my last post. My struggle is how to convey to you my experiences without it being interpreted as being about me instead of God, yet I am going to try.
     By 2001 my husband and I had raised three awesome daughters. Our two oldest daughters had married. Our youngest was still living with us and going to college. She subsequently married in 2003. Several months prior to my illness we decided to sell our house that we had lived in for seventeen years and move into a two bedroom apt. My husband was attending Southwestern Seminary at the time and we wanted to focus on his education. He had felt led to go back to school and become a marriage counselor.
     Life was good. We got that apt. in October of 2000. He was going to school and flourishing. I had started working full time at our church as our Associate Pastor's Assistant and it was very rewarding.We were in the midst of our Marriage Reconciliation Ministry that we had begun August 1, 1999. That, too, was very rewarding. As for me, for the first time in a long time I felt that we were truly in the center of God's will...and it felt good.
     Then came January 2001. It seemed to be immediate. I could hardly get out of bed. My body felt as if I had been run over by a Mack truck. I was so tired, all I wanted to do was lay down. I struggled to function. I was due at work at 8:00am and they started allowing me to come in at 9:00am. I could not get my body out of bed any earlier than 7:00am. It took me two hours just to eat and get myself presentable enough to go out in public. The apts. we had moved to were literally a field away from our church where I worked. You could see it from our apt., yet all but the few minutes it took to make the drive were just struggling to function to get there.
     I started going to my family doctor first. The first thing he offered me were anti-depressants. I don't know if it was because he knew my family history, (my father had schizophrenia) plus the fact that I did indeed face depression in 1994, but that was his first form of treatment. I wasn't sure myself if that, indeed was what was going on with me. When I was being treated for depression, all I wanted to do was to sleep and that was happening again. The anti-depressants only gave me a bad headache and did not relieve any other symptoms.
     In the meantime, I started seeing a godly counselor that was on staff at our church. She was so very helpful to me during that critical time. She did not see in me the emotional symptoms of depression and furthermore, having been depressed in the past, I knew what that felt like. I was not sad, I did not have a sense of hopelessness, I was looking forward to the new chapters God had opened up to us and I was indeed excited about our future. I was engaged in life and in lives around me. Yet, all I wanted to do was lay down. My counselor encouraged me to continue to go to doctors, which I did.
     My family doctor sent me to a  Rheumatologist April of 2001 and she is the one that gave me my first set of diagnoses. I had an autoimmune illness called Fibromyalgia. I had never heard of it. I found out pretty quickly that it is chronic and it is treatable, but not curable. The Rheumatologist also diagnosed me with Raynaud's Phenomenon and disc disease in my neck area. That was the beginning of our journey. I say "our" because when a person has a chronic illness, it not only effects them, but everyone around them. My immediate family, especially my husband, has been affected by it the most.
     So here we were...blind sided. Our options seemed pretty limited. Days, if not weeks would go by and to tell you the truth I seemed to be in a constant fog, yet I was continuing to try and work. It had taken four months for the doctors to reach a diagnosis. Once I had the diagnosis, it seemed evident that this was  probably not a temporary thing and decisions were needing to be made.
     Being that I worked at the church we had attended for twenty years and knew and loved everyone there, including the staff, made it very difficult. They had been more flexible with me than your ordinary employer would probably have been. There were days I would get to work late during those four months and they would send me directly home because they saw what I was going through. I will always be grateful to them for the loving way they treated me, especially since this was something none of us could fully grasp, let alone understand.
     Understand, I did not. I was so intent on fighting this thing at first and had looked on it as an attack of the enemy. I felt to give up on fighting it would be giving up on my faith in God and His power to heal me. This was a major clash I was facing. The fact of what this illness meant and the fact that God was, indeed bigger than this illness. I felt I had to choose one way or another and I was torn. I could not reconcile in my mind at that time that I could be going through this and accept it without the feeling that I let God down somehow.
     I have a little black Bible. By little, I mean one of those "baby sized" ones. It was given to me by my father when I was a teenager. While reading it one night during that time I came across John 9:1-3 which states; "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but that the work of God might be displayed in his life." NIV
     It hit me. I was being so legalistic. Without realizing it, what was going through my mind during those four months was that we were in the center of God's will, we were being obedient as far as we knew to be, therefore, this should not be happening to me, therefore it was from the enemy. I was deceived. God was teaching me a lesson that I am still learning. I have a tendency to blame myself when things go wrong in my life, if I'm not careful. Our relationship with God is not based on our performance though, but on God and His gift to us.I didn't have to be a "good little girl" for God in order for Him to love me and accept me. Wow.
     These verses revealed to me that God was the one that allowed what was happening to me. It also revealed His purpose in allowing it. "that the work of God might be displayed in him." After reading these verses, I had a whole new perspective. God was the source and He had a purpose for it. I had not done anything wrong. In other words I was not being punished. That knowledge suddenly made it o.k. with me. It allowed me to reconcile my beliefs with my circumstances. Instead of asking God what I had done wrong, or blaming the enemy, I started asking how I could give Him glory through this experience.
     I resigned from work May 1, 2001 and started focusing on treatment. I attempted to work part time at the church after a few months, but was forced to resign again. That was in 2002. I have not attempted to work since that time. My new goals then became focusing on quality of life all the while giving glory to God.
     Through this experience I have met people I would never have met, had I not become ill. I have been put in circumstances I would have never thought of for myself, had this not occurred. In the years since 2001 I have been subsequently diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, Addison's Disease, Interstitial Cystitis, Osteoarthritis and slight Scoliosis in my lower back. I have had  Asthma since childhood. My immune system has apparently "left the building" as the saying goes! But, God (love that phrase). But, God has not "left the building." Nor will He ever leave it on me or on anyone else that truly seeks Him, and that is my "song" to Him.
     My husband stopped going to Seminary in 2001. I became his ministry. He sacrifices on a daily basis to make sure I am taken care of. His first thoughts are of God and then me and our family. We no longer have an ongoing marriage ministry. We do still have a passion for individuals facing a marriage crisis and we make time for anyone who seeks us out who is struggling.
     Chronic illness has affected us. As my husband says, Fibromyalgia is not life threatening, but it is life altering. That is true for any chronic illness. My husband left Seminary, we left our full-time ministry, I stopped working. Our life is not how we scripted it to be by this time in our lives. We temporarily forgot prior to 2001 who the author of our lives was and it isn't us.
     God is still writing new chapters for us, but this time He is the one doing the writing. God's grace is quite a concept. One I may never completely grasp. To think that the God of the universe loves us to the extent that He does is hard to comprehend. I don't know much, but I do know this; our life is much richer, much more fulfilling, much more rewarding than it was prior to 2001, thanks be to God.
     I am reminded of an evangelist that often came through and spoke at the church we attended during those years. His name was  Dave Busby  and he fought an ongoing battle with Cystic Fibrosis. He shared that from a hospital bed he once begged God to heal him and Dave said God's response was, "I can heal you but you give me more glory this way." Dave chose not to be healed and subsequently died in his forties. Why would Dave make that choice? I believe Dave wanted God more than He wanted his own life.
     Dave Busby lived out what Jesus Himself termed the greatest commandment in the law which was to "...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind..." Matthew 22:37  NIV  Dave Busby  left an example for those who were blessed enough to know him to follow.
     I want to be like Dave Busby. He understood that love requires sacrifice and he made the decision to make the sacrifice required to love God in a deeper way. I believe Dave Busby's "song" to God was "For me to live is Christ, to die is gain." Philippians 1:21  NIV.  I pray we make it our "song" to God as well.


Songbird

Blind Sided? He Knew, He Knows

It's good to be back! I've been on Grandma duty this past week and loved every minute of it! But, now I'm back! I've had the movie "Blind Side" on my mind the last several days for this post. I guess we all may receive different messages from the movie, depending on our life experiences, etc. For me, there were two moments in the movie I would like to share with you because they impacted me and hopefully will help me sing my "song" for your edification.

I looked up the definition of "blind side" in the dictionary, and I quote; "The side of a person opposite to the direction in which he is looking." New World Dictionary. Wow, the definition alone speaks volumes to me. Anybody else ever been "blind sided" in life? I think we all have. The side of a person opposite to the direction in which he was looking, man! The implications are numerous. The emotional, spiritual and even physical consequences can be life changing.

Here are my thoughts; First, I would like to share a moment in the movie in which Michael Oher is practicing on the football field. His mom, Leigh Anne Touhy, is watching on the sidelines and sees he's not doing well. She goes and  pulls him off the field and has a short talk with him in which she reminds him of  incidents in which he chose to try and protect his family. She told him to view his teammates as his family and that it was his job to protect them. BTW, Michael starts playing much more effectively after that. Afterward she goes up to his coach and tells him that he should really get to know his players and informed the coach that Michael scored in the 98th percentile in protective instincts.

When I hit that moment in the movie, my mind goes back to me as a young child. I am sitting in a car late at night with an older sister and younger brother in the parking lot of a restaurant. Seated in the next car over are my mother and her boyfriend and they are arguing. He grabs her head with both his hands and starts banging her head against the dashboard of the car. I remember yelling for him to stop, and he does, yet I am scolded for yelling out. That is the extent of my memory of the incident. EVERY time I see this point in the movie I flash back to that moment in my life.

You might ask, what would go through a small child's mind that would prompt them to do that. I'm not sure I can answer that. I just remember that something welled up inside of me and I had to do something. All I guess I knew to do was to yell at him to stop. It didn't seem to matter that I was a child and they were adults. I was not thinking of what the consequences would be for my actions...all I was thinking was my mother was being hurt and I had to do something about it.

I believe if I took the test that Michael Oher took, that I, too, would score very high in that category as well. I share this experience because I realized that the incident in the car that night, as traumatizing as it might seem for a child to watch, was an example of how God wired me and used all the experiences in my life to be used for my good and for His glory.

I have been "blind sided" more than once in my life, as I am sure you have been. The decisions we make during those times help define who we are and what we believe. It may seem to take more courage than we ever dreamed possible. This leads me to the second moment in the movie in which Michael is assigned a paper at school. In it he writes on the subject of courage, and I quote; "Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or mistake, but you're not suppose to question adults, or your coach or your teacher, because they make the rules. Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn't at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up, and joining with the other side? I mean, valley of death that's pretty salty stuff. That's why courage it's tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something. I mean any fool can have courage. But honor, that's the real reason for you either to do something or you don't. It's who you are and maybe who you want to be. If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage, and that's pretty good. I think that's what the writer was saying, that you should hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some too."

It's hard, life is hard and that's a fact. So, where does that leave us?  Leigh Anne Touhy knew her son...she knew him so well that she knew what motivated him to be the best that he could be. If a mother knows this, I believe our Heavenly Father, who formed us in our mother's womb, does too. He created us!

He knew that by allowing me as a child to be put into positions of choosing whether to try to protect those I love or not would help develop that desire that He Himself place inside of me when He created me. He knew that it would be a necessary trait for me to have when fighting for my family in 1992. He knew too, that in 2001, when being faced with a mysterious illness that, again, I would need to choose to fight not only for myself, but more times than not, more importantly to me, my family's well being. He was and is my Leigh Anne Touhy, reminding me of times past when I chose to try to protect my family and stand up for what I believe.

He knows what we need before we do. He knows what it's going to take to be victorious. He knows that the pain is there and He doesn't like it or enjoy it any more than we do, but He allows it. He allows it because He loves us. He loves us so much He allowed His only Son to die for us.

Michael Oher spoke of praying that the people telling us what to do have some courage and honor themselves. This is a good thing. A better thing is to then take it to God and allow Him to direct us and tell us what He wants us to do. In the process we will obtain honor and courage because we will be making decisions based on what we believe and in Whom we believe. The outcome will become irrelevant because if we base our decisions on Him and His Word, it be the best for us and for everyone we love.

I hope my last thought is a comfort to all of us. God is NEVER "blind sided". He is omniscient (all knowing), He is Omnipotent (all powerful) and He is Omnipresent (present in all places at the same time). He loves us.  He is glorified through us when we choose to follow His guidance. "Blind side" is not in His vocabulary. Amen. Now, that's something to "sing" about!


Songbird

Reconciliation

For those of you who know us, you know that my husband and I are a reconciled couple. This year marks 20 years of reconciliation for us. 1992 was a rough year for us, to say the least...BUT (one of my favorite three letter words)...BUT...God is faithful! There were so many lessons learned and there is so much gratitude in our hearts for what we went through.

Fast forward to 1999 and to what I believe was God's calling on our hearts...ministering to individuals in marital crisis. God used what seemed to be an "out of control" escalation of couples being torn apart in our church by the ravages of divorce to prompt a deep desire in us to initiate the ministry. I frankly, was angry. I was angry that the enemy of God's sacred covenant of marriage was seemingly winning the battle. So, at first, I did what I do when my emotions are overwhelming...I wrote about it.

The following is what came of that time and actually became the springboard for us moving forward to starting a marriage reconciliation ministry at our church in August of 1999. It is titled, "Are We Greater Than Our Master?"  and is based on John 13:16 & 17 NKJ :

"ARE WE GREATER THAN OUR MASTER?"
Whatever happened to "death do us part"?
Why is there a line we don't think we have to cross?
Why is it no sin to give up on one you love?
Why does no one else seem to care that this goes on?
What would happen if you refuse to let go of His promises?
Would you be willing to forgive?
Would you be willing to let go?
Would you be willing to never give up as long as you live?
('Till death do us part)"
Would you live a full life even though you're alone?
Would God meet your needs?
Is our purpose in life to have our needs met?
What lies have we believed for way too long?
What sacrifice would you make to save your family?
Do you really care?
Are your needs the focus of your unhappiness?
If God speaks to us thru our needs, is He saying, "Do 
whatever it takes to get those needs met!"?
Who says God's intent is that all of our needs be met all of 
time? 
Can your life be full when you have needs unmet?
Could it be that God knows what we need more than we do?
Why do we give up so easily?
Can you sense the anger I have?
Do you sense the grief of my broken heart?
Can you not see the MISSED blessings, miracles, healing, 
growth, intimacy, integrity and peace that only comes from
being obedient to the law of grace?
When was the last time you "resisted to the point of blood" 
against sin?  Hebrews 12:4, Philippians 2:8 NKJ
ARE WE GREATER THAN OUR MASTER?
Is sacrifice required?
Would you go to Hell if you don't sacrifice?
Why sacrifice if salvation is assured?
Who do you love the most?
Do you love God that much?
If you see a sacrifice is required in order to be obedient to
your covenant with God, is God not giving you an 
opportunity to submit to that sacrifice? 
Will He stop loving you if you don't?
Will He love you more if you do? 
Will you stop loving Him if you don't?
Will you love Him more if you do?
Could sacrifice be a key to growing closer to God?
Who benefits the most from our sacrifice, us or God?
Jesus was willing to forgive, to let go, to never give up "to 
the point of death," why aren't we?
Did He live a full life?
Did He live it in vain?
Did God meet all of His needs?
Would it have stopped Him if God didn't?
Is He angry at our sin?
Is He faithful and righteous to forgive our sins?
Is He grieved over our disobedience?
By His stripes are we healed? I Peter 2:24  NKJ
ARE WE GREATER THAN OUR MASTER?
(Copyright 2004)

In my mind and heart I knew that if God could work through us and save our marriage, then He could do it for others. I realized my biggest enemy, besides THE enemy, was losing hope during our crisis. Hope is a very fragile thing...if we base it on our circumstances.

Job 13:15a NIV states: "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him."  We have to dig deep during those dark hours. We have to decide how committed to Christ we really are and to what we say we hold dear.

My prayer for you today is based on II Corinthians 5:16-21 NIV.  If you don't have a relationship with Christ to start with, then that is your starting point. Salvation is the reconciling gift that God gives us, but we have to accept that gift. Then, and only then, can we truly become the ministers of reconciliation that He has called all of us to be!

Until next time, remember this, God's Word is so powerful that it spoke the world into existence, He breathed and here we are!...Awesome. I'd say that's something to "sing" about! I pray that we allow that truth sink down into our soul the next time we are tempted to give up! 

Songbird

The Hand of God

Here goes nothin'...my first post on my first blog! If you're reading this, thank you! I hope I encourage you in some way by my ramblings. I have so much to write, yet I can't seem to think of where to start...

First off, this blog has been a while in the making. I have had a desire to write in some form or fashion most of my life. I think maybe more for my sanity than for anything else. Writing is a form of release for me..it has oozed out pain, the poison of unforgiveness, deep regret, godly sorrow, repentence, healing, joy, peace, acceptance, etc., etc. I could go on and on. It in some ways  has been a lifeline to me when I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I guess you could say we're old friends and we're getting older by the minute! As I look back, God was there, He was there through every heartbreak, every rebellious move I made...yet He loves me anyway. He's the one that provided the way of escape...pen and paper. I am forever grateful to Him. We have been through alot together, God & me, and I don't know much, but I know this...He is faithful and He is God and I am not. These truthes have saved my sanity many times over.

Right now, we "see through a glass darkly" as I Corinthians 13:12 states. It goes on to say one of my favorite three letter words when it comes to God's Word...BUT!  It states further "...BUT; then face to face; now I know in part; BUT then shall I know even as also I am known."  KJV  Truth is we may never have all the answers to why something takes place in our lives. It helps me to know that God does. It is my thinking that if God does know and He allows it, then it is for my good and His glory. I have come to realize that I am loved by God. Do I understand that? No. Why He would love me will always be a mystery to me. What I have come to do is accept it and embrace it. It isn't about what I believe about myself as much as what I believe about God that helps me make sense of this thing called life, I would stay in a miry pit otherwise. It was when Peter took His eyes off of Christ and looked at His circumstances that He started to drown in the sea. BUT, Jesus held out His hand as Peter cried out for His help and Jesus saved Him. Matthew 14:28-32.

In 1994 I experienced a "Peter" moment. I was in a counseling session and I was fighting depression. The counselor asked me what I usually did when I experienced pain and I said that I usually pictured myself being held by God. So, the counselor asked me to do that and I couldn't, all I could see when I closed my eyes was a picture of a robed Jesus standing and His back was turned to me. My counselor asked me to pray about it, so as I began to pray (my hands were literally digging into the armchair) and I was crying and I began to seek repentance and to tell God of my desire to come to Him, but all I could see in my mind was that picture of  Jesus with His back turned to me. I continued to cry and I remember telling God that I wanted to come to Him, but that I just couldn't...and that is when it happened! In my mind I saw a picture of a robed arm and the hand was extended to me. Well, I stopped at that point. My counselor was confused, he told me to go on. I then had to tell him that he didn't understand...I had just seen the hand of God reach down to me. I was unable to even reach up to Him, so He came down to me. Whoa! I was blown away. When I shared this with my counselor, he too, was blown away! We prayed and thanked God and the session was over. My healing began in earnest at that point and I have never been the same since, nor treated for depression since. That is my song, that is my God and He is yours too. I learned alot during those days, one of which is that our God is bigger than anything we may face in life. I have to remind myself sometimes, but all I have to do is look back on my "Peter" moment. We all have them, maybe not as dramatic as the one I just described, but anytime God reaches out to us, it is an awesome thing.

My prayer is that we allow more "Peter" moments in our lives...let's not stay in the boat and miss out on God's Holy hand reaching out to us!

Songbird