How Could I Ask For More?

Happy Thanksgiving, Songbirds! 

     May God richly bless you and yours this holiday season! I am so grateful that you have chosen to read my posts! I hope and pray that in some small way it ministers to your hearts.
     The song  How Could I Ask for More? by Cindy Morgan is one of my all time favorites and well worth the listen!

1 Thessalonians 5:18  In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Blessings,

Songbird

His Eyes

     You may recall in my last post titled "He Ran" that I mentioned that God graciously allowed me to experience what it would be like to sit before the first judge in my disability case so He could whittle away that same judgmental attitude I am prone to have toward others; not unlike big brother did toward the prodigal. The following incident is how He accomplished that:
     It was fall of 2008 and I had just finished shopping at Sam's Club and had begun to put my items in the trunk of my car. I noticed what I thought was a man and wife across the parking lot at their car as I was unloading items. I didn't really pay attention to them. The next thing I knew was that as I was getting ready to open my car door the woman approached me. She may have been slightly younger than me, dressed in pants and sweater...nicely groomed. She started talking to me and telling me she had had marriage problems...and that was as far as she got before I stopped her.
     I wish I could continue on and tell you that I listened to the rest of what she had to say, especially since my husband and I have such a strong passion for marriages, but that is not what happened. I remember thinking that she didn't look like the "typical" (?) person who panhandled (if she even was a panhandler). I'll never know because I didn't give her a chance to tell me what she wanted.
     I then realized that she must not have been with the man across the parking lot, but that she must have approached him the same way. So, I immediately stopped her and told her "Sorry, I can't help you." I opened my car door and she was gone. When I got in my car I turned the key and the radio came on and it was playing the Christian station that I listen to. BAM! Conviction, BIG time!
     I envisioned the day I was seated before the first judge in my disability case January of 2007. I believe God put that image in my mind so that I would make the connection between my behavior and the judge's behavior. If you know me, you know that I don't "look sick." I believe that was part of the bias the judge had toward me. The woman did not "look" the part, so my prejudice shined through, big time.
     Well, the Holy Spirit had convicted me to the point that I felt I had to find her, but to no avail. I drove that parking lot up and down and I could not find her anywhere. It was as if she had vanished into thin air!
     Then it hit me, maybe she was an angel. I know it may sound a bit strange and I guess it doesn't matter if she was one or not, because God got my attention regardless, but she seemed to have appeared and disappeared so suddenly.
     I never did find her (regrettably), but it had affected me. It made me realize that I have such a long way to go toward showing compassion to others. When I write in regard to showing compassion, I am talking to myself as much as to anyone else. I believe God used what took place to reveal Himself as very much involved in my life and in complete control of the battle I was facing in regard to my disability case.
     Skip to the next time I was at the Sam's Club, which was a week or two after the "angel" had approached me, I was heading out of the store when I got a call from my lawyer. He told me that the first judges' decision had been overturned based on the conclusion that he independently made his decision to deny my benefits by disregarding the evidence before him. BAM! Redemption, BIG time!
     My attorney also told me that I may not have to face another judge before my case would be settled, most likely in my favor. Coincidence? I don't think so. This phone call, coincidentally at the same location, proved in my mind that God was in control of my circumstances that day in the parking lot. He knew what it would take for me to repent and realize that my husband and I had been so graciously taken care of by Him, disability benefits or not, and I had no right to judge the "angel" in the parking lot the way that I did.
     He brought me to my knees, which is where I need to stay! The thought that I behaved like the first judge hit me personally because I knew the condemnation I experienced when I faced that first judge and I had made her feel that same way. It breaks my heart to this day.
     These incidents took place in September of 2008. As it turned out, in January of 2009 I did face another judge. This time I was granted my full benefits in March of 2009 which was just four months after God revealed to me once again His graciousness and His willingness to continue to battle on my behalf, independent of my sinful nature.
     Only one Righteous Judge turned my way, the God of the Universe and He declared me (all believers) not guilty. Not because of my ability to pay my sin debt, but ONLY because of the price Jesus paid on my behalf...AMAZING. 
     Luke 7:36-48 NKJV are some of my favorite verses in the bible. There were two debtors, one Creditor. The two debtors had nothing in which to repay the Creditor. The Creditor forgave them both freely. The question is asked...Which one will love Him (the Creditor) more? The answer:  The one to whom the Creditor forgave more. Verse 43 NKJV.
     Jesus concludes by saying "Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which were many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." Luke 7:47 NKJV. I refer to this verse as the 747 Jumbo Jet verse because it is so powerful! Because it cuts right to the heart condition of sinful man (a hard heart) and addresses Jesus' solution...heart surgery. The scalpel? Forgiveness.
     The realization that we, as sinful man need it and then the realization that only He can provide it. Once received, love is conceived, along with our desire to seek to see others through His eyes! The surgery is complete and the healing begins.Collateral healing.
     The song, titled Give Me Your Eyes by  Brandon Heath  is my prayer and my song for us all today...

Amen, 

Songbird

 

He Ran!

     One of the many attributes of God is that He is good. How much we truly comprehend that truth can affect our decision processes in many ways. If we have this vision of God just waiting to pounce on us with an iron fist or a bolt of lightning every time we make a wrong move what kind of effect do you think that has on our relationship with Him? Intimacy is not cultivated in an environment of fear and punishment I John 4:18 NKJV. Through Christ He is Judge over sin Acts 17:30-31 NKJV, yet that is not the whole story. We as believers have been declared "not guilty" because of the blood of Christ I Peter 1:18-20 NKJV.
      I have been privileged to experience first hand what it might be like to go before a two types of  judges; one who has already deemed me "guilty" and then one who has deemed me "not guilty." It was quite a life lesson for me and here is how it played out:
     If you know me or have read my previous posts, you are aware of my multiple health issues. At the time I had become ill I was working full time. When I became ill I had to stop working. After several years went by it was getting harder and harder to make ends meet, so my husband and I decided that it was time to apply for my Disability benefits. That battle began May of 2005.
     January of 2007 found me sitting before a judge that had already made up his mind that I was not eligible for my benefits, I am sure in part because I don't look sick. My file was literally several inches thick of medical documentation, yet it was of no avail to him. His questions to me were not out of line, it was his responses and his attitude toward my answers to his questions that revealed his prejudice against me.
     That morning before we went to my appointment before the Judge, I had searched God's Word for guidance. He gave me this scripture that I did not fully comprehend at the time; Proverbs 10:19-20 NKJV which says this; In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; The heart of the wicked is worth little. 
     I focused on the first verse in regard to my use of words during the inquiry that morning. I held my tongue more than I believe I would have, had I not received this scripture ahead of time. There were times during the judge's questioning that I would have been tempted to explain my responses in more detail, but I believe the Lord helped me restrain my tongue. It was obvious to me that it did not matter what I said, the decision was already made.
     Several months later I received the news that, indeed  I was denied by the judge to receive my benefits. It was very disheartening to say the least, but the truth of my situation had not changed and with the help of the Lord and my husband and attorney, we continued onto yet another appeal. The waiting continued.
     It was early fall of 2008 that I got a call from my attorney that the decision by the first judge had been overturned and that I may not even have to go before another judge. I was to fill out more paperwork (yet again) and then wait (yet again)! We were so encouraged, yet nothing was settled yet.
     January 2009 found me sitting before the second judge. This time I could tell that he was impartial and he listened to my responses without dismissal or contempt. The waiting continued.
     I got THE call in March of 2009 that the second judge ruled in my favor. By summer of 2009 I started receiving my benefits and 4 years of struggling had come to an end and it was such a relief! 
     Had I truly been sitting before the One and Only Righteous Judge I would have had to been declared guilty. EXCEPT for one thing, as a believer I have a lawyer who has NEVER lost a case! His name is Jesus Christ. As a believer, we are declared not guilty in the sight of God. AMAZING. It is all because of Christ and the blood He shed on the cross! 
     BUT GOD graciously allowed me to experience what it would be like to sit before the first judge that made me feel condemnation so He could whittle away that same judgmental attitude I am prone to have toward others, not unlike big brother did toward the prodigal. In my next post I will elaborate more specifically how He did that. 
     I am reminded of a song by Benny Hester titled When God Ran. My prayer and my song is that this becomes our vision of God's response toward all of us prodigals and in turn respond to each other the same way. Amen.
      

 

Songbird

Louder Than Words

     In Luke 15: 11-32 NKJV we are told of the prodigal son. Verses 11-24  are a beautiful story of love and redemption...then big brother speaks;  in verses 25-32  he says to his father;  ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’  verses 29-30. Whoa! Big brother had become angry and jealous of the father's treatment of his wayward brother.
     These verses remind me of something my husband has said from time to time and that is this "One man's gain is not your loss." The older brother lost nothing of his inheritance nor was his position as his father's son  affected by his younger brother's behavior or treatment, so why did he get angry?
     What would cause us to get angry or jealous when a co-worker gets promoted ahead of us, or someone drives a nicer car or lives in a bigger house or has children we so desperately want ourselves or etc., etc., etc.? What's even worse, what if these people were in rebellion with the Father or even rejected Him out right as depicted by the prodigal?
     This "slippery slope" starts when we take our focus off our own relationship with God and start looking around and comparing ourselves with others. Grace by this point has been laid by the wayside. Behavior and performance become the focus instead and our attitude will go "down hill" from there every time. Entitlement replaces humility...not pretty...and when anger, jealousy or an attitude of entitlement are ushered in, judgment of others is sure to follow. Remember collateral damage from last week?
     The good news is that if we engage in a growing intimate relationship with God and His Word then what those around us are doing or achieving seems less relevant because our fulfillment comes from Him and His provision for us. God transforms our attitude because He transforms our hearts and our judgment of others is replaced with not only compassion for them but a burden for their souls as well. Collateral healing.
     My husband and I have had the privilege of walking the ruins of  Krakow-Plaszow concentration camp represented in the movie Schindler's List, along with Auschwitz and Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camps. Over the entrance gates of Auschwitz reads Arbeit Macht Frei which translated means "Work sets you free."
     That sign was a deception, just as the deception of believing that our "works set us free." Works alone can never set us free. It is by the gift of grace and grace alone that God sets us free from the bondage of sin Ephesians 2:7-9 NKJV. His grace replaces our "works" into loving obedience that flows from a grateful heart. I believe our loving obedience to the Father speaks louder than any words we could ever utter James 1:21-25 NKJV.

We took this picture of the entrance gate to Auschwitz in December, 2008:

     We left the gates of those camps of our own free will when some one and one half million others did not have that privilege. We stood outside of  Schindler's Factory as well and we will never forget those experiences, at least I pray we never do.
     Walking those steps in Poland made me realize that man's inhumanity to man seems to have no boundaries.We are indeed lost souls in need of a Savior, not unlike those from the death camps. Through God's grace He made a way through Jesus Christ to provide that Savior Romans 1:15-17 NKJV.
     Grace is a mysterious thing, at least to me. Such sacrifice was required for us to obtain it, yet is is freely given to those who believe Ephesians 2:7-9 NKJV AMAZING. If we truly are grateful for the gift of grace then obedience to the Father becomes our small offering, as inadequate as it may seem.
     I am reminded of the ending scene in the movie Schindler's List  in which Oskar Schindler  illustrates his remorse over not saving just one more person from the death camps...

     My song and my prayer for us today is that we continually reach toward just one more person through the rescuing love of Christ (louder than words). 

     The song by David Crowder Band  titled O Praise Him  illustrates the praise that will surely result when we "Turn our ear. To Heaven. And hear. The noise inside"... Hallelujah! He is holy! Amen.

Songbird

Collateral Healing

     Each week when I'm deciding which topic to discuss, I think "well, maybe this week we can focus on something lighthearted."...I'm beginning to realize that that just doesn't seem to be the way I "roll." As much as I would love to speak of pleasant things, I seem to always have some sort of burden on my heart that seems too important not to write about and this week is no different.
     Today I feel led to discuss the emotional pain we experience in our lives. It is something we all have in common. It gets our full attention and our first instinct seems to be focused on how to relieve it. It tends to strip us down to our bare soul, which is one reason I believe God allows it. Yet in the midst of such raw emotion can come great clarity or great calamity.
     When we focus solely on relieving our pain we can make harmful decisions that will affect us and those around us for a very long time. That is where great calamity can come in. One of the ways we tend to do that is deny it's existence.
     When we do not address it, then consequences are sure to follow. Some of the consequences we face if that happens is that we become angry, resentful, bitter, it stunts our spiritual growth, we become prideful and we start building walls up trying to protect ourselves from further pain.When we focus solely on self-protection intimacy is damaged in our relationships with others. Calamity.
     Restlessness (lack of peace) results as well when we continue to deny our pain and all of these consequences of  that denial lead to an opening for sin to enter into our lives. This all results in damaged relationships with our God and with others. Calamity.
     Ultimately denial of  deep emotional pain can result in suicide. The enemy of our souls likes nothing better than when that happens. From my own personal experience I learned that people do not want to die, they just want the deep pain that they feel swallowed up by to stop. When a person gets to that point they feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the pain and have lost all hope then immediate intervention is needed. Calamity.
     It was only through the intervention of my husband and subsequent treatment that I am alive today. I learned during that time that God was bigger than my insurmountable pain. I had forgotten that He breathed the universe into existence. I had forgotten that He loved me enough to die for me. I had forgotten that He said He would never leave me nor forsake me. Calamity.
     Once I realized He was not only able but willing to rescue me I had hope once again and my healing journey began to take place. My whole testimony regarding that experience is in my first post titled "The Hand of God."  
  One last very sad consequence I would like to mention in regard to buried pain in our lives is that we tend to start viewing ourselves as victims. When a person starts down that path, destruction soon will follow. Not unlike the path left after a tornado, a victim always makes sure that their "path" is strewn with destruction. The collateral damage is all around them and the "friendly fire" if you will is what results along with an attitude of entitlement. Calamity.
     Pain defined is this:  Penalty, punishment (Greek - poine, penalty, fine: see penal) ex. - Penal code for prisoners... (Irony)?  Penal Code defined: A body of law dealing with various crimes or offenses and their legal panalties.
     When someone violates a love relationship, pain results which results in a penal code of sorts being triggered. We even use the terms "offender" and "offended." Why do we use these terms? A crime has been committed against us. So, in a sense we become a "prisoner of war" because of the pain in our lives. To quote my Pastor "Unforgiveness becomes a poison we drink and wait for the other person to die." We in essence become a prisoner of our own making. Calamity.
     The key that unlocks those "prison bars" is forgiveness. The road to healing is a process and it is only through God's grace and in His strength that we can accomplish it. The freedom that comes when those "bars" break open are worth every bit of suffering we experience. The clarity I spoke of earlier now begins!
     The awesome thing about God is that if we choose to obey and forgive He sets in motion His own set of "consequences" if you will. Just like the snowball effect of unresolved pain that leads to collateral damage God causes collateral healing to take place when we seek His healing. It is an amazing thing and something only God can do. Only God can accomplish it because only God can change a heart. Clarity.
     We talked last week how God has the power to turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh Ezekiel 36:26 NKJV. He is able because nothing is impossible with Him  Luke 1:37 NKJV. Clarity.
     Corrie Ten Boom is a beautiful example of forgiveness. I urge you to read the story of her account of  being a Holocaust survivor and coming face to face with one of the guards from the Ravensbruck concentration camp  that had held her captive. She describes how God gave her the grace to extend forgiveness to her former captor. It makes any act of forgiveness on my part seem very small. I hope it is an inspiration to us all to always be willing to forgive. Clarity.
     One of my favorite quotes from Corrie Ten Boom is this "When you are covered by His wings, it can get pretty dark." She knew this from experience. We tend to think that God has "left the building" so to speak when we are in the midst of our pain and suffering. Quite the contrary. He is there. He was there for Corrie and He is there for us. We just have to seek Him and He will make Himself known to us. His presence and His glory! Clarity.
     I know our discussion has been focused on the pain we may be enduring at the hands of someone else, but pain is pain and no matter the source, God is always there with His love and comfort to guide us into healing. With His healing comes clarity because His truth begins to be revealed to us as we begin the process of letting go of our pain and turning it over to Him. To quote Tenth Avenue North in their song The Healing Begins "Sparks will fly when grace collides with the dark inside of us!" Clarity.
     His presence and His glory! I would like to take a quote from Beth Moore which says this, "The goal of life is not the absence of pain. It is the presence of God and the glory of God. When He can work glory without pain, He does. When He can't, it's going to hurt."
     One last thought, Songbirds. Collateral healing brings with it's own "consequences" such as joy, peace, reconciliation. It brings hope and restoration where there was once despair and darkness. It breaks the chains of sins passed down from generation to generation in families. Clarity.
     Most importantly it reveals that if we are a child of God then we are victors not victims. Victors have a humble attitude because they realize their victory is only through Christ unlike victims who have an attitude of entitlement that stems from a heart that has been hardened by unresolved pain. We may be victimized in our lives, but that is NOT our identity. We are freed from the bondage that unresolved pain can place us in. The reason for that is all because of Christ who knew no sin, who bore our sin so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him 2 Corinthians 5:21 NKJV! Clarity.
     My prayer and and my song for us today is that we look to Christ as our ultimate example of how to resolve the pain in our lives. He endured the pain of the cross on our behalf. He was there, He is there and He always will be there. His presence and His glory. Clarity.
     The song  It is titled You Were There by Avalon illustrates the constant presence of our Lord beautifully.

He would rather die than leave us in the dark. Hebrews 4:14-16 NKJV  Clarity. Collateral healing. Amen.

Songbird
   

Courageous

     If I had to pick one movie to be my favorite of all time, it would have to be To Kill a Mockingbird. I know I am aging myself since it came out in 1962...but at my age that doesn't seem to matter anymore! ha!
     I guess I love this movie so much because it has so many life lessons in it. Lessons I carry with me to this day. Lessons regarding dignity and integrity and compassion. Life can be hard, as we all know. We don't stop wrestling with it just because we "grow up."
     There is a scene in the movie where the neighbor lady, Miss Maudie Atkinson is trying to help Jem, the young son in the movie understand why his dad, Atticus Finch is defending  Tom Robinson. She says, "I don't know if it will help saying this to you... some men in this world are born to do our unpleasant jobs for us... your father is one of them." 
      I want to pose this thought to you; An Atticus Finch is inside of all of us and is just waiting to be brought out. And if so, wouldn't that be grand!? I am naive enough to think it is possible.
     There is another scene in the movie that I would like to point out  with this quote;  "That boy is your company. And if he wants to eat up that tablecloth, you let him, you hear? And if you can't act fit to eat like folks, you can just set here and eat in the kitchen" This is a quote by Calpurnia, she was the family cook and took care of Jem and Scout and taught them many life lessons as well.
     The boy Calpurnia is referring to had requested syrup and had started pouring it all over his dinner and Scout started chiding him about it. The boy then stopped eating and felt ashamed for what he had done. I bring this scene up because even though this was a small boy and a seemingly insignificant incident, it was still about DIGNITY.
     Whether we are in the position of someone like Atticus or Calpurnia, no matter. One of my many favorite stories in the Bible is found in Luke 7:36-47 NKJ. The verse that especially speaks to me is found in vs. 47; "Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”
     From the realization of the sacrifice made on our behalf comes an overflow of gratitude and thanksgiving. This attitude affects all the relationships around us. It is a "heart" condition. We once had a heart of stone and the Great Physician replaced it with a heart of flesh Ezekiel 36:26 NKJ. If you are a believer, you have been given a "heart transplant!"  I think this qualifies you and I as a possible Atticus or Calpurnia! 
     Life can be hard and people can be hard to love (just ask my husband)! BUT GOD has made a way for us to extend His love to others through His Son. Love isn't always pretty and doesn't always give us a "warm fuzzy" feeling. It can masquerade itself as an "unpleasant job" as described in the movie. 
     The reality is that love sometimes requires making tough choices and confronting issues we would just as soon not deal with, but that is where integrity is born. Sometimes it requires us to become an Atticus Finch or a Calpurnia...something or someone has to become more important than our fear of loving before we can love the way He loves us 1 John 4:18 NKJ. We can do it. God has made a way. How can we do any less?  Courageous by  Casting Crowns is my prayer and my song for us today:

 Micah 6:8 NKJ

 He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Songbird

     
    
 

First Pick!

     I want to start out this post with a video from Dave Busby. He was an evangelist who would come and speak to a previous church we attended during the 1990's. I spoke of him in my previous post titled "To Live Is Christ". To refresh your memories, he suffered with Cystic Fibrosis, Polio, liver disease, heart disease and Diabetes, yet he turned his suffering into a catalyst to glorify the Lord. He died in December of 1997 in his mid forties.
     His speaking style is as passionate as he was. You will find it poignant yet with a splash of humor thrown in and I believe he is able to communicate to you better than I ever could hope to on the subject of being wanted...

     Wanted, that's us! Chosen by God to be His sons and daughters, first pick! WOW.  How about you? Has it sunk in just how much YOU are loved and wanted? Romans 8:28-39 NKJ.  When we experience this kind of love it is hard to keep to ourselves. It affects every relationship we have. It affects the church body as a whole. 

     Just think how churches are affected when they are filled with believers who have a passion such as Dave's to express the Lord's love for His people. I am naive enough to think that even though this may not be reflected in a majority of our churches today...it could be! 

     Dave Busby was just one man, yet even after his death his passion lives on. We don't have to "settle"! We are the sons and daughters of the Most High God. We were called out and chosen. It was God's initiative, not ours that we came to know Him as our personal Savior! John 6:44 NKJ. Amazing! "We" are the Body of Christ. 

      Do you attend a local body of believers? If so, are you satisfied with the atmosphere at your church? That do you think it would take to change either (or both) of those if they are negative answers? We can't give up! If we love God, and if we have been "affected" by His love for us then it is only logical that we will love His church. 

     My prayer for us today is that we never let the fact that we are wanted and chosen by God stop affecting us. We need each other Hebrews 10:19-25 NKJ. That person sitting next to you in church may need to experience "Jesus with skin on" as one of our former pastors used to say. You may be the one person God can use to talk them back from the ledge of life. I know. I've experienced both sides.

      God is still in the business of saving and healing souls and He chooses to use His children many times to accomplish His will...are we willing to obey? His church is hurting because it is full of hurting people, people He died for who may be "running a hundred miles an hour...in the wrong direction"...or "may be going down today" as referenced in the song by Casting Crowns song titled Does Anybody Hear Her?; It is my song for us all...

     You may be the one "running in the wrong direction". My word to you is...please don't give up either! Truth is that we are all in the same boat. There are seasons when we are the one "running" and then seasons when we can be the one extending the "hope that's tucked away in you and me" to someone else.

"He is running"...

Songbird

    

Back to Plan A∞

     Ever been reminded of a past sin? Thoughts rush back to that time and you think, if only...but we all know that nothing can change what has already taken place. Sometimes the consequences of our past behavior will exist for a lifetime. This truth can create an identity crisis if we are not careful.
     It's painful, I know. It's not an easy thing to talk about it, I know. It's scary, I know. It seems like no one else could possibly understand, I know. It seems like there is no solution, I know.
     So, why am I discussing it in my post today? Because there is something else I  know and that is that even though it may be painful, even though it's hard to talk about, even though it's scary, even though people may not understand, there IS a solution. The solution is a person and His name is Jesus Christ.
     I've heard many people say..."If you focus on forgiving yourself, then your healing will begin to take place." I have come to believe that instead of forgiving ourselves, we need to accept the forgiveness we have already been given through Christ. Do you see the tragedy in that? We punish ourselves over sin we have already repented of and for what? Christ has already paid the penalty for it! Not only that, He has given us a new identity! Romans 3:21-26 NKJ
     Grace is what it's all about! It is so hard. At least it has been for me. Think about it. When we are living in regret and shame and guilt over our sin, we are still operating under the law. We are basing our identity on who we are and what we've done instead of who He is and what He's done. That's legalism not grace.
     What if you have never accepted Christ? It's not too late. His grace is available to all who will believe, just as Romans 3:21-26 NKJ states. Your last day of bondage could be today! If you have thought up until now that there was no hope for you...here is one that will tell you there is hope and it comes in the form of a Savior, Jesus Christ. I pray that if you have never made the decision to follow Christ that today is the day!
     Salvation through Jesus Christ is God's Plan A for our lives. He loves us that much. You may think, well I'm probably working on Plan D, E, or F by now! I will say this to you and to myself: God's Plan A is available to us anytime we return to the cross. The cross does not require a back-up plan! Grace is found there. Forgiveness is given there. Mercy is found there. New beginnings and a new identity is found there.
      One last thought:  Grace could be considered risky business. By that I mean that a person could look at grace verses the law and think that may give them a license to sin Romans 6:15-19 NKJ. Our heavenly Father has poured out His grace on us all, BUT He paid a great sacrifice to do so. I pray that we never forget the price that was paid on our behalf and abuse the gift that was freely given to us.
     God knew before time began the rebellious nature of man. He knew that there would be those who would reject Him, despise Him, crucify His Son and mock His name. He was willing to do it anyway. He loves us that much.
     I think if God was willing to extend His grace to us even knowing what He knew then we can be willing to accept His grace and extend it to others. I would rather err on the side of grace if it means not missing out on an opportunity to love in the way I have been loved. Wouldn't you?
     Because of Christ we are a new creation as stated in  2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJ  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." This is my prayer and my song for us all illustrated in the song titled "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North...

     He has wiped our slates clean, Songbirds!...Back to Plan A! Psalm 51 NKJ

Songbird

Peace Be Still...

     Rest...sometimes we treat it like a four letter word, if you know what I mean. It should be so simple, right? Then why does it seem so difficult to achieve? It may come easy to some, but not for me.
     Having multiple chronic illnesses like I do would make you think that I would have a handle on this subject....not! Allowing myself to rest is still one of the biggest adjustments I have had to make.
     This week is a good example. I so wanted to write this post before now! I also wanted to accomplish more than going to the grocery store as my main activity for the week. BUT, my body was not cooperating!
     My brain does not function properly on my "bad" days either. People with Fibromyalgia deal with what is termed brain fog. I know it sounds like it's right out of a science fiction novel, but it describes what it feels like while it's happening. On "bad" days it's even worse. It is as if my brain is half asleep, therefore I am pretty useless when it comes to accomplishing anything that might have to do with cognitive thinking which can include even carrying on a conversation....just ask my husband on that one!
     You would think having conditions that make a person feel fatigued would make it easier for them to rest. Nope. My instinct is to fight it! My dilemma is that I have to fight fatigue/pain everyday, so it is difficult to distinguish when I really need to stop and rest or pay the price if I don't. Sometimes it is obvious to me, sometimes it's not. I have had to say no to a lot of things in my life just to maintain some sort of normalcy.
     When you think about it, anytime any of us chooses to rest do we not feel as if we are missing out on something or that  we are letting someone down because we are not "picking up the slack?" At least it seems that way to me. We need it though! There are people like me that need it because of physical conditions, but we all  become weary from time to time Isaiah 40:27-31 NKJ.
     The good news is that God never grows tired. Not only that but He renews us with His strength, and that's a promise! Maybe you're in the midst of a battle right now, maybe the biggest one so far in your life. Do you know that it is okay to rest in the midst of what you're going through? I speak from the perspective of someone who has been in the midst of battles and found out the hard way that it wasn't until I became weak that He became strong  2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJ.
     What I realized was that when I feel I've reached my limit either one of two things happens, either God imparts me with His strength to continue on the same course OR He alters my course. Either way it is HIM and HIS power, not mine and therefore ONLY HE can get the glory for the victory that takes place. I think this may have been what Paul was speaking of in 2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJ.
     The song by Al Denson titled Peace Be Still  became a lullaby of sorts for me twenty years ago in the midst of my marriage crisis. It ministered to me in such a powerful way at the time and it still does when I get battle weary. It is my prayer and my song for us all today...
        

         

2 Chronicles 20:17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the LORD, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the LORD is with you.”...AMEN.


Songbird

Chitchat...

Hang in there with me, Songbirds! I may not be able to post again until early next week. I so appreciate you joining me on this journey! BTW, is there a topic you would like for me to cover next time...or perhaps elaborate on one I have already posted? I would love your feedback! Thanks again for checking in on me from time to time! Until we meet again, remember He makes all things new!...Revelation 21:1-5 NKJ.
Songbird ♥

Of Pride and Prejudice

     To be honest, I struggled as to whether I should even attempt to write this post. But after learning of the Invisible Illness Awareness Week and mulling it over, I was reminded once again, that this journey I have been on for 11+ years now is not about me. It is easy to think that it is, especially when I have a "bad" day. But then the small still voice I heard in those early days of my illness whisper to me once again that I am not alone and that there is STILL a purpose and a plan for my life.
     My journey began in January 2001. My diagnosis came in late April, 2001. Fibromyalgia. I had never heard of it. I was 42 years old at the time. My life as I knew it changed that January, sad thing is my whole family became affected. My husband often says when speaking of my illness that Fibromyalgia may not be life-threatening, but it is life-altering. My husband has been most directly affected by my illness as well as our three grown daughters and our eight grandchildren. No man is an island as they say. I try to make a conscious choice to be aware of this fact everyday.
     My struggle in the beginning was not only physical it was also spiritual. I was needing desperately to reconcile my beliefs and my circumstances and was led to John 9:1-3 NKJ.  When I read these verses I realized that I had viewed my situation legalistically. By that I mean I did not realize that deep inside of me I was thinking that I must have done something wrong (sinned if you will) and I was being taught a lesson as punishment from God. If you had asked me before I had read that Scripture if I thought that was going through my mind, I would have told you no, of course not!
     But God knows our hearts and I believe He was telling me through those three small verses that I was not being condemned, nor did I have the right to condemn anyone else for my illness. Better yet, that no one else had the right to condemn me for my illness! He allowed it and He allowed it for my good and His glory.
     John 9:1-3 also allowed my invisible illness to make visible my own pride and prejudice toward others. I cannot tell you how often I have reflected on these verses as situations have come up since I have been ill. Whether it be words or actions, omitted or committed toward me.
     The classic novel written in the early 1800's  Pride and Prejudice  by Jane Austen comes to mind. The two main characters had to come to grips with their own pride and prejudice in order to love each other. That still small voice reminds me that I too am guilty of jumping to conclusions and judging others and that I have no right to do so if I am to love them the way that Christ loves me. It is a humbling experience.
     It amazes me that the God of the universe would care enough about me to reveal Himself in such a way that I can discern His truth through all of the muck that someone with chronic illnesses goes through. He is with me and He is in control of my body, even though it seems my body is out of control. And I share just a glimpse of  my story with you in hopes that you realize that I am not unique by any means as is stated in I Corinthians 1:26-29 NKJ.
     These truths should be enough reason for all of us to have hope. He is our hope, He is the source of our joy, so we can indeed rejoice! Yes, even now in the midst of our daily struggles. This is my song and prayer for us all and it is why my blog is titled Songbird  and is offered as a source of hope no matter our circumstance.

May God bless you and fill you with His hope as you continue your journey,
♥Kay 

The Voice of Truth

Fishing trip off the coast of Florida July 2012

     Family members of ours were fishing off the coast of Florida several months ago and captured this picture of an ominous cloud before a rainstorm. BTW no family members were harmed during the making of this photo! Amazing though, isn't it? Downright creepy if you ask me! 

     I have been afraid of storms ever since I can remember. Not a good thing in Texas. I have come to deal with my fear of storms up to the level of tornadoes. I have laid in bed at night reciting the lyrics of the Casting Crowns song Praise You in this Storm reminding myself that God is who He is no matter where I am and is greater than the literal storm that was beating down on our home. I have also been known to spend time in our front bathtub holding our dog Scout reciting Scripture and praying because the threat of a tornado seemed so imminent. Me, oh my!

     Come to think of it, fear has played a big part in my life. Just like the ominous storm cloud pictured above my life has been affected by my many fears. I am sure I could bring my childhood experiences into it, but that seems counter productive at this point in my life. What seems to matter most to me now is being able to release my fears as they arise to the One who made me...fears and all.

     One thing I have learned as I attempt to release my fears to God is that He then takes my fear and replaces it with His peace. This sometimes takes much longer than I would like and multiple pleas. I never know specifically when He will appropriate it, but He never fails to do so if I persist in my reaching out to Him at such times.

     Most recently this took place just this past week when my husband and I were ending our vacation in Florida and although hurricane Isaac was no longer a threat to us in Florida, when it came inland it was stationed right in our path back home to Texas. Not only that, it was causing flooding and spawning tornadoes, my nemesis when it comes to storms! 

     The night before we left I was still very anxious about leaving and that is when God stepped in with His peace that passes understanding Philippians 4:6-7 NKJ. I have to be honest and tell you that I still had a "moment" at one point on our trip back when we were driving in some rain through Mississippi...but in reality it was not a threatening storm and I had to remind myself that God had given me His peace which told me He was with us and I knew if He was with us, then He was in control.

     I should have known better...it was the Labor Day weekend marking the twenty year anniversary of when I first realized my marriage was in crisis back in 1992. A storm was on our horizon and my immediate response once again was fear. 

     To illustrate just how much the God of the universe knows His children, the Scripture He placed in my mind and heart over and over from the beginning of that trial was 1 John 4:18 NKJ which says this:  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. Be he who fears has not been made perfect in love. I interpreted that verse to mean that God was teaching me to love my husband more perfectly (Christlike) and that if that was my desire, I could not love him and allow fear to rule my behavior toward him.

     I could have very easily allowed fear to swallow me up during those months, and at times I wasn't sure if it wasn't going to. My biggest fear at that time was the fear of abandonment and God knew that. God loved me enough to allow me to face that fear so that I would know without a shadow of a doubt twenty years later and counting that I will never ever be abandoned by the One who loves me most.

     Another thing happened though, to my surprise quite honestly. The more I focused on my attempt to love my husband through that time, the less I became focused on the ultimate outcome. The fears would wax and wane, but as time went on God was finally able to bring me to the place of total release of my husband to Himself. It was hard, I won't lie. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life because when I made that decision I truly believed my husband would leave and never return.

     That morning my husband had left early to look for an apartment. As he drove off  I went to my sacred place which at the time was our bathroom (if you have kids I am sure you can relate)! After laying on that floor and crying my eyes out, I prayed and literally lifted my hands up to the sky and handed him over to God. I finally said Uncle! relinquishing any further attempts to control my husband and my circumstances.

     I would love to tell you that I stood up, opened the door of my restroom and was as strong as an oak the rest of the day. Not happenin'. I was a nervous wreck. I remember getting out and running errands with our girls that day...they were age 17, 15 and 12 at that time. The rest of it is pretty much of a blur until my husband returned that afternoon. When he did return, he had made the decision to move out. It was as if the several months of chaos prior to this day were culminating all at once. The storm cloud was getting ready to burst. 

     After the initial response of anger and pleading and then prayer, acceptance did finally come. It just so happened on that same day our youngest daughter, which was age 12 at the time had a birthday party to go to. My husband and I mutually decided it would best for her if we waited until she was picked up for the party before he left.

     In the meantime, my husband decided to go in and start packing some items. At this point I am still just a bundle of every emotion you can think of. He left the room and I started pacing and then it happened...God answered my prayer from that morning...you know, the one releasing my husband to Him? This peace washed over me that I could not explain except that it was the peace which passes understanding Philippians 4:6-7 NKJ.

     My husband got packed and we waited for our youngest daughter to leave and then it came time for my husband to go. He says I told him I would be waiting for him when he returned...I vaguely remember telling him that. I remember distinctly though, as soon as the door shut taking my two remaining daughters over to our sofa and praying with them.

     Well several hours went by. Our youngest daughter was still at her friend's birthday party. It was December and I had put the movie "White Christmas" in to watch with our two oldest girls hoping to distract us from the day. I was laying on our sofa and I heard a vehicle outside and it sounded like my husband's truck...but I was not about to go to that window! I would not allow myself to think it might actually be him returning. Well, then I heard the door knob turn. Yes it was him, he had returned. He was still filled with uncertainty about our marriage but he was certain he was to come home and that was enough for me at that point. God had brought him home, not me. Nothing I did or said, it was God in him that moved his heart back toward his family.

     The rest as they say is history. We remained in counseling for nine months ( I compare it to the gestation period)! What was birthed was a new beginning for our family. It may not be pretty, but it's real and it's ours. 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 NKJ  Inspite of ourselves, God's will prevailed in our family...He can in yours as well.

     Oh, and BTW not only did our two older daughters see their prayers answered that day when their dad came back home, but our youngest daughter did not return from her friend's party until after my husband had returned. It was as if he had never left as far as she was concerned. That's grace.

     We all have storms that seem to be Goliaths and it is in those most desperate times...when we are most afraid and most vulnerable that God reveals His truth to us if we choose to listen....the song titled Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns illustrates this beautifully and it is my song and my prayer for us all...

 

 

^"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NKJ 

...Until next time...

Songbird

Breath of Heaven

      I was reminded once again today when I saw the sunrise this morning, that I can rest assured that God's promises are still in place. Nothing has changed because He has not changed. This realization first came to me in 2005. I would wake up almost every morning during that time with excruciating lower back pain.
     My bedroom faces the east, so the sun rises through our bedroom windows. During that time I had made it a habit of opening my blinds and curtains really early in the morning, and then getting back in bed for a while. As I lay there in pain, it seemed to help to watch the sun come up.
     It was one of those mornings that as I saw the sun start to rise, I believe God reminded me..."See this sun? I made it rise again and since I did I am still in the process of fulfilling all of my promises...even the ones you may think I have forgotten. How could I not love a God like that?
     This experience helped me to get my perspective back and realize that what I was going through was just temporary. That God had a plan, that He was aware of my pain and not only aware of it, but willing to do something about it. 
     It was at this point that the doctor that I was seeing at the time brought up the subject of narcotic pain medication. I was adamantly opposed because my condition (arthritis) was chronic. I desperately wanted to find another solution. As we sat there in his office, butting heads, I told him I was seeking quality of life at this point and living on pain medication would not allow that. His response was that living in constant agonizing pain did not provide the best quality of life either. We were at an impasse...but as we sat there he came up with the idea that maybe a natural remedy called glucosamine chondroitin might help. I was willing to try it, especially since it was non-prescription.
     It took almost a month for it to take effect, but when it did it offered enough relief that I was able to live with the pain level once again. I was so grateful that I had a doctor that offered me an alternative because the last thing I wanted to do was live indefinitely on narcotic pain medication. But, more than that, I was grateful to a God that keeps His promises and this time he used my doctor to achieve it. My quality of life improved too.
     What I experienced is not unique. The enemy would like to make us think that it is, but God is faithful all the time and keeps His promises every time. It is part of His nature and He does not change, as we have discussed in earlier posts.
     This picture was taken by NASA's Mars rover named Curiosity. It is the sun rising over Mars horizon. God not only holds our world in His hands, He holds the whole universe in His hands. Amazing.

     There you have it! Sunrise on Mars! Psalm 33: 6 NKJ says this:  "By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, and all the host of them by the breath of His mouth." Wow. Do you know what that means? We can trust that He can handle anything we might be experiencing. He breathed the worlds into existence!
      At times like this I think it is good to look back and see what God has done in the lives of those who walked before us. Picture a teenage girl who discovers she is carrying a baby, yet is not yet married and is still a virgin. She has been told that she is carrying the Son of God by an angel no less! Wow. We can only imagine what that must have been like for her, yet she remained faithful and trusted God to fulfill His promises to her. In doing so, God fulfilled His promises to us all.

     "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 38-39 NKJ. 

     This is my prayer and my song for us all today, that we realize God's love for us is His motivation for breathing His hope and promises on us and that we glorify and praise Him as He so faithfully fulfills those promises in our lives. Amen. 

Songbird

       

Web of Grace

     This past Sunday morning during worship a thought crossed my mind about God's grace. We were singing the song  From the Inside Out by Phillips, Craig and Dean . When we sang the lyrics ..."and should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace" I immediately got the visual in my mind of a spider web. It got me to thinking that wow!, God's grace IS like a spider web! This picture captures what I envisioned in my mind's eye...a kind of  spider web hammock that we can fall into...

   

     I have read that spider web material is about one-tenth the diameter of a human hair, but has incredible strength. It is ten times stronger than a steel strand of the same weight. That's amazing strength! In previous posts we've talked about the strength of God and how He holds everything together. At the risk of being too redundant I still feel led to explore God's strength in regard to grace. 

     There are lyrics in a  Rich Mullins song that may help explain this better than I can. The lyrics are from the song  Hold Me Jesus  and they say, "Surrender don't come natural to me I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want Than to take what You give that I need And I've beat my head against so many walls Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees." 

      These lyrics capture the struggle we seem to find ourselves in, time and time again. We are like little flies caught in a sticky web that we cannot escape from. Yet this web is woven by a loving and gracious God and it brings grace and life instead of death and destruction.

     In my post "Hand of God" I described my experience where God reached His hand down to me when I couldn't reach mine up to Him. I was frightened, I was sure that God had turned His back on me because I felt I had sinned to the point that God surely would have nothing to do with me. But God proved me wrong!

     There is also another experience I would like to share with you in regard to grace. This time it involves my husband and one of our young grandsons. He was visiting our home when he was still in the process of being potty trained. He was in our kitchen and my husband was sitting in our family room where he could see him. My husband was well aware that our grandson had just soiled his pants and was just standing there. 

     When my husband got up to approach him though, our grandson got a very frightened look on his face. He knew what he had done and he knew that my husband knew what he had done. When my husband saw that look, God reminded him that He is well aware when we "poop" our pants too, and that He is still there for us and is willing to help us clean ourselves up with Him by our side. 

     My husband did an awesome thing in response to our little grandson. He took his hand and led him into the bathroom and told him he would help him clean himself up. Our grandson was relieved and hopefully learned a great lesson on unconditional love and grace. At the same time, my husband experienced a precious reminder that our God is gracious and loving and will always be by our side even if we "poop" our pants!

     My song and my prayer is found in Scripture; "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31 NKJ. Let us all fall freely into God's web of grace and resist the temptation to fight it...knowing that He is always by our side, just as the song by the same title by Tenth Avenue North illustrates so beautifully. BTW, look for their new album to be released August 21st! 

     Then Jesus said to the twelve, "Do you also want to go away?" But Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. "Also, we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."  John 6:67-69 NKJ   Amen.

Songbird

So Much More!

     God spoke and our world came into existence. He breathed and life was created. I shared in my last post how He literally holds every fiber of our being together. His power is beyond our comprehension. Psalm 33:6 NKJ says "By the Word of the LORD the heavens were made, and all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.
     His omnipotence is one of  God's attributes, yet He is SO MUCH MORE than that! One of the most impactful Bible studies I have ever gone through was a study titled "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby http://www.blackaby.net/. One of the truths I remember learning from that study was that when we are faced with a crisis in our lives it becomes a "crisis of belief " and our response in times of crisis is a reflection of what we believe about God.
     Job is an example for us all when dealing with a crisis in our lives. In his "crisis of belief" Job declared  "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.  In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong." Job 1: 21 & 22 NKJ.
     Job was faced with a choice, just as we all are when faced with adversity. Job chose to continue to trust in the whole character of God, not just the fact that God indeed had the power to prevent the tragedies in his life from taking place.
     I believe God ALWAYS uses His power in our lives when facing adversity...it just may not materialize the way we envision it. When that happens we may tend to think that God isn't working at all in our situation.We forget that He is SO MUCH MORE and His plan for our lives is SO MUCH GREATER than His ability to get us out of the pain and suffering we may be being asked to endure. As we come to grips with these truths we have a better understanding of the fact that we were put on this planet to glorify Him and to pursue His purposes and not our own.

     Job praised God in the midst of his "storm." and I believe his love relationship with God was what allowed Job to continue to trust and follow God to the point that he declares "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." Job 13:15 NKJ. Job loved God and he knew that God loved him and I believe this love relationship is what God desires most from us. The song "Praise You In The Storm" by Casting Crowns illustrates this beautifully.

     Job also revered God and His sovereignty in his life. Job got it. He saw that God, indeed is Omnipotent (all powerful) Revelation 19:6 NKJ and He is also Omnibenevolent (all good) Naham 1:7 NKJ, Omnipresent (present everywhere) Psalm 139:8-10 NKJ, Omniscient (all knowing) Romans 11:33 NKJ, Immutable (cannot change) James 1:17 NKJ ...yet He is SO MUCH MORE!
     One last thought, Moses stated when speaking with God about leading His people to the promised land; "Now therefore, I pray, If I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people." And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Then he said to Him, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here." Exodus 33:13-15 NKJ. Then in verse 18 Moses states, "Please show me your glory."
     This is my song and my prayer for us today, that just like Job and Moses that we desire God's presence and His glory more than a way out of our present storm because we love Him and know that He is SO MUCH MORE!

Songbird

Held

     If you have read previous posts of mine then you are aware that I have several chronic autoimmune illnesses. The most frustrating one is Fibromyalgia. It's frustrating because it is the most debilitating one. Sunday mornings are quite a chore for me because it takes every ounce of energy I have to get myself to church and be presentable at times.
     It was one of "those" Sundays, it was all I could do to get there on time and "hold myself together." When I feel that bad, it even affects my thinking. The only way I know to describe it is like when you have been in a  deep sleep and you are jolted awake and your mind and your body haven't quite caught on to the fact that they are needed to function as if they are wide awake. That is how I felt that day.
     So, there I was and our pastor started his sermon. It was all I could do to concentrate on what he was conveying to us. Then he started sharing exactly what I believe the Lord knew I needed to hear to continue my journey. He started relaying a message by Louie Giglio and I was driven to tears during a sermon for the first time in a long time. I knew the Lord was giving me strength and comfort through our pastor at the point I needed it most.
     Only Louie Giglio could accurately relay what my pastor and he shared, so I will defer to Louie's video:

 

     In the words of Louie Giglio...wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! It hit me, I wasn't "holding myself together," God was. The God of the universe was. I think my tears were as much for relief as it was for the comfort and assurance that it brought. I realized I had once again taken my eyes off of the One who made me, the One who formed me in my mother's womb and not only that the One who literally "holds me together." What an awesome God we serve. I was carrying a burden He did not intend for me to carry. In essence, in my pastor's words, "He's got this." God has my body under control even though it seems out of control.

     You may be thinking wow! for you, but what about me? I believe there is no difference between us, because I believe God sees no difference between us. God's word says in Colossians 1:15-20 NIV;  He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created:  things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross. 

     What a promise and what a great God. My prayer and my song for us today is found in Ephesians 3:20 NIV;  Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.   

And again I say Wow! and AMEN.

Songbird

His Presence in Our Present Hell

     One of my favorite books EVER (besides the Bible) is a small book titled "A Tale of Three Kings" by Gene Edwards. I don't think it was on the top best seller's list anywhere, but in my opinion every Christian would benefit from reading it. It is a study in brokenness illustrating King David and the theme is submission.
     Gene Edwards also wrote my second favorite book EVER which is titled "The Prisoner in the Third Cell" and this book illustrates John the Baptist and the recurring theme is this verse "And blessed is he who is not offended because of me." Matthew 6:11 NKJ
      Brokenness, submission and sacrifice. Not very popular topics for obvious reasons. Each one of them requires pain and selflessness. I don't know about you, but my human nature tries to avoid both at all cost most of the time. Actually brokenness, submission and sacrifice are interdependent. We really can't do any of them without doing them all.
     How do we get ourselves in a position to be broken, submitted and willing to sacrifice? Why would we want to? What is the point? If we really are serious about having an intimate relationship with the Living God,  it is unavoidable.
     One of my favorite quotes from "The Prisoner in the Third Cell" is this, "He who takes up the sword perishes by the sword. He who refuses to take up the sword perishes on the cross." Ouch!
     There is a similar quote in "A Tale of Three Kings" in which it states this; "I'm in David's situation, and I am in agony. What do I do when the kingdom I'm in is ruled by a spear wielding king? Should I leave? If so, how? Just what does a man do in the middle of a knife-throwing contest?" The answer is, "You get stabbed to death."..."What is the necessity of that? Or the good of it?"...You have your eyes on the wrong King Saul. As long as you look at your king, you will blame him, and him alone, for your present hell. Be careful, for God has His eyes fastened sharply on another King Saul. Not the visible one standing up there throwing spears at you. No, God is looking at another King Saul. One just as bad-or worse. God is looking at the King Saul in you. End quote.
     You may not have an actual King Saul in your life, by that I mean someone in authority over you that may be causing your "present hell." It could be any number of sources in your life yet be just as applicable. If you are struggling right now, the source of that struggle may be an outer King Saul that is at war with your inner King Saul.
     I believe the quote from "The Prisoner in the Third Cell" is saying this, we have a choice. We can choose to live like the world and become angry, prideful and selfish which leads to blaming others for our "present hell." Therefore, not dealing with our inner King Saul. Or we can choose to accept the new identity we have been given in Christ and follow His example and allow brokenness, submission and selflessness, therefore dealing with our inner King Saul and becoming more like our True King, Jesus. It is a painful process trying to slay our inner King Saul.
     If you were able to ask John the Baptist if it was worth it to him to have his head served on a silver platter for sinful purposes, what do you think he would say? John asked a question of Jesus from his jail cell, "Are You the coming One, or do we look for another?" Matthew 11: 3 NKJ. In other words, are You are THE CHRIST? If You are then, YES "I'm all in," it is worth it. Why? Because CHRIST is worth it. I believe John wanted to make sure that what or better stated who he was "putting in all of his chips" for was worth the cost.
     Jesus' answer for John was this "Go and tell John the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. "And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me." Matthew 11:4-6 NKJ
     Jesus' answer to John is His answer to all of us. He indeed is worth it. That's GOOD news! Do we believe that Christ is worth our "present hell?" King David's life is full of examples of times when he did not choose God's way over his own and he and everyone around him paid the consequences. The same could be said of all of us and I would be at the head of that line. Yet time after time God has shown Himself faithful even when we have not been faithful to Him. That is His nature "If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself." II Timothy 2:13 NKJ. This is my song and my prayer for us all that we deem Him worthy and faithful even in our "present hell" of slaying our inner King Saul because we realize our King Jesus is worth it.

Songbird
    

Living Proof

     Well, Songbirds I hope you can bear with me as I have had such a heavy heart and been so conflicted while preparing for this post. I cannot tell you how many times I have started a sentence, even finished a few only to delete them afterwards.I have struggled with what to share with you and the following is what I have come up with.
      In my first post "The Hand of God" I touched on my experience in counseling when I was being treated for clinical depression. What I left out was my experience in those months and weeks prior to counseling. The year was 1994 and my husband and I had begun our reconciliation process in our marriage. It had been two years since our initial crisis. We had attended counseling together for nine months and we both thought we were well on our way to healing.
     But, there was a problem. During our crisis and even the time subsequent to it I had focused so hard on acting and being all that I thought God would have me be and all that I thought my husband would have me be and all that I thought would be the best example for our girls to be that I neglected to deal with the pain I had experienced.
      I cannot blame anyone for my response to my pain. I would not put that burden on anyone. If it had not been my marriage I fully believe it would have been any number of other events that would inevitably have taken place in my life and I would have responded the same way. It just happened that my marriage was the catalyst God chose to use to finally deal with this Goliath in my life.
      Depression has a kind of snowball effect if not intervened upon. Just like a snowball that is barreling down a mountainside, until it is dealt with it continues to grow until such time it gets so big that it will consume and destroy anyone in it's path.That last week before I re-entered counseling I started getting thoughts of  being with Jesus. I was thinking if I could just be with Jesus I would be alright. In reality I was candy coating the thought of ending my life. I can honestly say up until that point in my life I had never had such a thought yet I had never been in so much emotional pain. I can't tell you if it was just the pain of our marriage experience or the accumulated pain from my life up until then. It felt like the latter.
      I literally felt as if a heavy weight was on my chest, I physically felt it. And when describing my pain I felt I could only adequately describe it by literally lifting my bent arms and motioning away as if I was attempting to push that wall of pain off of me because I was feeling smothered by it. My voice even changed, the pain was evident in my tone. I felt consumed and was drowning (not unlike Peter) when he focused on his circumstance and not on Jesus and by that point I did not even have the capacity to consider how to escape it so I was succumbing to it. My snowball was barreling down quickly.
      This would be a tragic story had it not been for two Knights that came to my rescue. First of all God is and will always be my first Knight in shining armor. He has rescued me time and time again (usually from myself) and is the only One who gets the ultimate glory. He will come and rescue me and all His saints again one day on His white horse once and for all. Revelation 19:11-16.  Until that time, I believe my husband is my second Knight, the one here on earth, provided to me by God Himself.
      I am one who can say that their spouse literally played a role in saving their life.You see toward the end of that last week my husband led me into our kitchen and picked up the phone and called our counselor. He intervened on my behalf which was the first step in destroying the snowball. God used him and our godly counselor to lead me back on the road to healing and I was subsequently brought back from the brink of self-destruction.
      One thing I learned about my thought process during that time was that I was in so much pain that I was fast approaching the point that I would do anything to stop that pain. I did NOT want to die. I just wanted my pain to STOP and I was not able to see any other way out at that time. I believe that this thought process is what anyone considering suicide genuinely wants but may not be able to adequately convey.
      Through my counseling I learned that I had been deceived into believing that I could not go to God because I was carrying guilt and shame for what went on in our marriage. I was blaming myself, punishing myself. I was convinced that my sin hindered me to the point that I could not go to God. Not rational at all, but I was not thinking rationally. That thinking was full of lies and deceit but that was the position I found myself in.
      I had taken my focus off of the Lord and His truth and was experiencing another "Peter" moment. If you remember what a "Peter" moment is, it was when Peter took His eyes off of Christ as found in Matthew 14:22-33  and looked at his circumstances that he started to drown in the sea. BUT, Jesus held out His hand as Peter cried out for His help and Jesus saved him. Matthew 14:28-32.  This time I felt I was drowning and my "Peter" moment had turned into months and I felt I had begun to drown in a sea of  hopelessness.
      When a Christian loses hope, where does he turn? There is nowhere but a black abyss and that is exactly where the enemy of my soul wanted me. It was in that state of mind that I entered that counseling room and experienced the hand of God firsthand that broke through my darkness. Like I said in my testimony of that experience I could not reach up to God, so He reached down to me.
     I had to make the choice that day to call out to God for help. His hand was the first one reaching just as in Peter's case. I can't explain why the God of the universe would even offer to do that unless it is His unfathomable love for us. I do know He loves us so much that He would rather die than live without us. He proved that on the cross. He conquered death He is also able to conquer our Goliath. We can live because we serve a living God Luke 24:5-7 NKJ and Matthew 22:32 NKJ.

       "Come to Jesus" by Chris Tomlin is a beautiful illustration that our Knight in shining armor truly does exist and He is but a cry away to all who believe in Him. I am living (living) proof of that! All who believe on Him are living proof of that and that is our song!

Songbird

"You'll never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have."  Max Lucado from his book titled Facing Your Giants.