First off, this blog has been a while in the making. I have had a desire to write in some form or fashion most of my life. I think maybe more for my sanity than for anything else. Writing is a form of release for me..it has oozed out pain, the poison of unforgiveness, deep regret, godly sorrow, repentence, healing, joy, peace, acceptance, etc., etc. I could go on and on. It in some ways has been a lifeline to me when I wasn't sure I was going to make it. I guess you could say we're old friends and we're getting older by the minute! As I look back, God was there, He was there through every heartbreak, every rebellious move I made...yet He loves me anyway. He's the one that provided the way of escape...pen and paper. I am forever grateful to Him. We have been through alot together, God & me, and I don't know much, but I know this...He is faithful and He is God and I am not. These truthes have saved my sanity many times over.
Right now, we "see through a glass darkly" as I Corinthians 13:12 states. It goes on to say one of my favorite three letter words when it comes to God's Word...BUT! It states further "...BUT; then face to face; now I know in part; BUT then shall I know even as also I am known." KJV Truth is we may never have all the answers to why something takes place in our lives. It helps me to know that God does. It is my thinking that if God does know and He allows it, then it is for my good and His glory. I have come to realize that I am loved by God. Do I understand that? No. Why He would love me will always be a mystery to me. What I have come to do is accept it and embrace it. It isn't about what I believe about myself as much as what I believe about God that helps me make sense of this thing called life, I would stay in a miry pit otherwise. It was when Peter took His eyes off of Christ and looked at His circumstances that He started to drown in the sea. BUT, Jesus held out His hand as Peter cried out for His help and Jesus saved Him. Matthew 14:28-32.
In 1994 I experienced a "Peter" moment. I was in a counseling session and I was fighting depression. The counselor asked me what I usually did when I experienced pain and I said that I usually pictured myself being held by God. So, the counselor asked me to do that and I couldn't, all I could see when I closed my eyes was a picture of a robed Jesus standing and His back was turned to me. My counselor asked me to pray about it, so as I began to pray (my hands were literally digging into the armchair) and I was crying and I began to seek repentance and to tell God of my desire to come to Him, but all I could see in my mind was that picture of Jesus with His back turned to me. I continued to cry and I remember telling God that I wanted to come to Him, but that I just couldn't...and that is when it happened! In my mind I saw a picture of a robed arm and the hand was extended to me. Well, I stopped at that point. My counselor was confused, he told me to go on. I then had to tell him that he didn't understand...I had just seen the hand of God reach down to me. I was unable to even reach up to Him, so He came down to me. Whoa! I was blown away. When I shared this with my counselor, he too, was blown away! We prayed and thanked God and the session was over. My healing began in earnest at that point and I have never been the same since, nor treated for depression since. That is my song, that is my God and He is yours too. I learned alot during those days, one of which is that our God is bigger than anything we may face in life. I have to remind myself sometimes, but all I have to do is look back on my "Peter" moment. We all have them, maybe not as dramatic as the one I just described, but anytime God reaches out to us, it is an awesome thing.
My prayer is that we allow more "Peter" moments in our lives...let's not stay in the boat and miss out on God's Holy hand reaching out to us!